The war in Ukraine has been going on for more than 1,000 days. My family and I have been living in the USA for 649 days. Sometimes people ask me, “How do you feel about the war in your homeland while you’re here?” I’ll try to answer that question…
We’ve traveled thousands of miles to get here, but back in Ukraine, my relatives, friends, and acquaintances remain. I stay in constant contact with them and worry about them. I still remember the sound of air raid sirens. I still remember the sound of rockets flying over our house.
We brought much more with us than just 55 lbs of carry-on luggage. This baggage is in our hearts, souls, and memories. It’s heavy, but we can’t leave it somewhere or give it to someone else. It’s always with us.
Until recently, I had an app on my phone that would sound an air raid siren when there was danger. In Ukraine, everyone had this app because often there was no electricity due to attacks on our energy infrastructure, making city-wide alerts impossible.
Even here in the USA, my parents and I would know when our relatives, friends, and neighbors were running to their basements. We would call them and go through that period together. It was as if we were in that basement too. We would talk and fall silent when our loved ones would ask, “Did you hear that?” We would freeze, even though we couldn’t hear anything because we were thousands of miles away. But our hearts would start beating faster…It was an explosion, somewhere far or near…We listened to the silence and peace as if we were still in Ukraine, where there is war.
How do I feel? I feel despair because I can’t help. I feel fear for the dear people who stayed in Ukraine. I feel, to some extent, anger because I see no sense in a war that brought suffering and death to my country.
My family and I are now in peace and safety. But in my heart and soul, not everything is so calm. Every day, I check the messages from the mayor of my hometown, Ternopil, who reports on those who have died. New names appear daily, and when one is familiar, you feel pain. These are people I knew: the father of my classmate, a friend of my parents, a neighbor… It’s terrible.
Recently, my mom received a message that our relative is missing. He’s 25 years old. He is at war with his brother and father. At home, their mother and two sisters remain. We constantly call, asking if there is any news. But there isn’t…Not any good news.
A long time ago, my great-grandmother told us how they fled the war as children and how lucky we were because we didn’t know what war was. She said they were called “war children.” Years have passed and now I and thousands of children in Ukraine have become “war children.” They say children are the future. I want a happy future for my homeland. Now I understand that happiness is where peace and calm are.
How do I feel? I can tell you what I know for sure and what I am confident about. I know that you can take a person away from the war, but you cannot take the war out of a person. It stays deep in the heart, in the soul, in the memories.
